One of my professors theorizes that a lot of literature, and, by extension, a lot of life, is an existential struggle against naturalistic pessimism. In other words, one's life is an attempt to maintain existential momentum, to continue to forge a moral self against a looming sense that the world is cruel and that effort is futile.
This thought has been a source of inspiration for me. When I feel as if I am weak, ineffectual and impotent against the relatively minor challenges of my life, I have a choice; I can cry and wallow, and, believe me, I have done so, or I can swell with a renewed sense of power, as if a hive of bees has stirred within me. I can reinvent my momentum through a righteous, if somewhat petulant, refusal to submit. The latter option really is preferable in every sense. Despair is cathartic, but it is cancerous. It's a malignant state-of-mind which grows and reproduces unfettered.
Sometimes the need for catharsis supersedes everything, though, especially in times of true tragedy and anguish. Still, for me, eschewing despair in favor of renewed strength and meaningful action whenever, and however I can is helpful.
I'm not great at this, however. I stress and worry myself into oblivion. I complain and cry and fail to rise to even the simplest and mundane of trials. I realize how profoundly wasteful and fruitless that is, though, and I'm constantly trying to draw power from the problems I encounter.
Just thought I'd get that out in writing.
Boy, does that make two of us! That's why we're Cosmic Twins, I suppose. I'm trying to break out of that rut as well. Especially in the industry where I work, you have to be passionate and dedicated because, guess what, you get to work hard and get paid less, for the sake of doing good.
ReplyDeleteSometimes that's hard, being passionate and dedicated, when you feel broke an awful lot. Sometimes I feel like in order to do what I love doing, I need a sugar daddy, a patron, a supporter.
This is exactly why I didn't pursue art as a career (that, and to be honest, I don't think I'm that good). I am hoping this is all temporary, but who knows really.
I guess it's okay to sit on the pity pot, feel sorry for yourself, everyone does it. But the true test of character is whether you decide to remain, or brush yourself off and continue. I think that is really what takes strength.
I, for one, am thankful for people who don't simply take the easy way and pursue a lucrative career in favor of something they feel an inclination toward, whatever the source of that inclination might be. Also, I knew you'd understand, Twin. :)
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