I had a very vivid dream last night in which I was 9 months pregnant and beginning to go into labor. My family was rushing around me, pampering me, monitoring my contractions, scolding me for going without so much as one doctor's visit or vitamin supplement.
I felt rushed, and the contractions hurt, and I wondered how all this had come to pass without my knowing about it. I said to my mother, "I don't even want children!" And she replied, "Well, you should have thought of that a little earlier, don't you think?" But I hadn't had time to think one way or the other! And, to further confuse and alarm, this simply had to be some sort of immaculate conception, unless of course the rumors are true and you can "contract" this "condition" from a toilet seat.
I thought, "Will this change me? Will I experience the worst pain of my life and spit this baby out, only to find that I love him/her/it and that I was all wrong for thinking I was not designed for motherhood?" And I concluded that, yes, all this would come to pass, but that I did not want it. I did not want to give birth to a chunk of myself, only to see it cry and poop, learn to walk and talk and then to run away.
Then I woke up. And I was really, really glad it had all been a dream. And now it all seems so damn funny.
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