I know some things have to change

My adolescence continues.

Since the last, glorious summer, my definition of home has undergone a fairly significant revision. The intense homesickness I felt a year ago has receded and been replaced by a sense of tentative comfort as well as a deep affection for Lappeenranta.

I feel rootless, as though nothing is keeping me in any one place or in any particular station. Even so, when I imagine leaving Lappeenranta, or Finland in general, I feel the loss.

My Finnish is improving by leaps and bounds every day. I don't even think to measure my progress much anymore; what I know is that I'm able to use it, understand it, and I don't fear mistakes or misunderstandings as I used to. I can't be expected to speak it perfectly, naturally or colloquially yet, nor can I expect flawless, fluent comprehension on my end.

I'm still lonely, and I still yearn for connection, but my outlook is a positive one.

A few things have helped me to become happier, I think. The first and foremost is regular exercise. Running has improved my quality of life in innumerable ways; it has made me healthier and more satisfied with my body, it has required me to fulfill a daily obligation, even if said obligation is only to myself, and it's given me a chance to enjoy and explore Lappeenranta.

I've noticed something else, too: the more I'm able to form associations between music and my existence in LPR, the more at home I feel. For instance:

I associate this song with sitting by the lake at midnight, looking out over the dusky, late-June horizon.

And when I hear this song, I think of running past the hiekkalinna, the sun on my face and my lungs filling with summer.

But my good memories and their corresponding songs aren't limited to warm weather.

It wouldn't be winter without some good drone. I think of nighttime walks in the snowy November woods when this song pops up on shuffle.

So, if you're struggling to integrate, to find joy and connection, I say, force the issue. Suck joy like a sponge from the things you love, and take good care of yourself. Form a healthy obsession. Accept things for what they are. And, though I hate to be one of "those people", exercise daily.

Good to be back.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Another long respite. Oops. Let's just say I've been on vacation. Fully vacated. You've been patient, and for that you deserve pictures.

Terrace view of the harbor

Abundant candy

Waiting for the rain to let up before a night out

(OMG she's a Mac user wtf)

Mökki

The Finnish class I took in June was beneficial, and I met several new friends. 

I've gotten through an eye exam, a haircut (complete with chitchat) and several interesting discussions entirely in Finnish. I'm officially conversational. 

I'm learning more about myself than I care to know. Who knew that I'd experience a second adolescence at 28? 

In a little less than two weeks I'll be back in the US, a trip I planned this winter in a fit of homesickness. I should probably stick around, save money, practice my Finnish and hang out by the lake, but I'm elated. 

Good news/Bad news

Good news: I just love studying Finnish grammar outside in the sun. I have some reviewing to do before class begins again on Friday.

Bad news: I don't believe my skin has ever been this pale.

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The spring, this being a particularly nice one, has brought me energy. Things that seemed impossible or hopeless only a few weeks ago have begun to seem, well, possible and hopeful.

It's amazing how that works.

I'll be taking a month-long intensive Finnish course in June. After that, I'll be free to spend July outside, perhaps at the mökki. I'll spend August in the US, and I'll begin teaching again in September.

For the moment, I've been teaching medical English to a group of nurses. I write dialogues for them, which, I have to admit, aren't half bad. However, teaching this stuff is not easy when you have an easily-tickled scatological sense of humor. It takes every ounce of will that I possess not to giggle when I teach them verbs like "to poop" or "to defecate". Send me back to peruskoulu.

I've been running between five and six times a week because I want to. I've lost some skinny fat and gotten a bit more svelte. Because the sunsets over Saimaa are so irresistibly beautiful, I've been taking long nighttime walks by the water.

Perhaps best of all, I've begun to imagine my future here. Finland is where I ended up, and it's where I intend to stay.

Has the coming summer seduced me? Yes, in part. But I think that's okay.

I've been quite lazy about studying Finnish, but I continue to progress anyway. I've noticed that my listening comprehension in particular has improved by leaps and bounds in the last six months or so. Perhaps working hard is the wrong tactic right now. Perhaps passive input is the way to go.

I've also decided to take the needle and get my first tattoo. It'll be a piece of text that reminds me of the sun - because sometimes all you've got are words to remind you. 

Vappu and Beyond

Vappu was sunny, if a little chilly. When I went running by the harbor on Tuesday, I noticed quite a lot of ice still coating the lake. By the next day, every last bit of it had melted. Seeing the sky reflected in the water after a long winter was really something.

After spending as much time as possible outside, I must admit that I indulged a little too lavishly.

The weather has continued to be beautiful and even warmed up some. Today, we went to Linnoituksen Krouvi, which is only open during the warmer months of the year. I find the quality of their food to be a bit higher than that of many other restaurants in this area, so it was pretty cool to eat there again.

The experience was made even cooler when we were lead outside onto the terrace.

We were nestled between the warm brick building and a grassy knoll, with a view of the harbor to the left. I was so ecstatic to be sitting in such a pretty place that I began peppering our Finnish conversation with English expletives, exclaiming about how wonderful the day was and how happy I was to be there.

The food was great. If Lappeenranta is on your list of summer destinations, you should visit the fortress and check out Krouvi. 

Let's get together sometime.

Americans are easy to stereotype. Our films are everywhere. Our music is inescapable. Our television shows air all over the world. The US is the world's largest exporter of media, and everyone seems to feel pretty well acquainted with our culture as a result.

I've heard quite a few ideas on American culture while living in Finland. Some are correct. Some are outright misconceptions. Let's analyze a few of them. 

Disclaimer: Though I've traveled to different places within the US, I've never lived outside of New England. This is a New Englander's perspective. Regional differences likely apply. 

1. Americans don't mean it when they say, "Let's get together sometime." It's just a formality.

In my experience, this is just plain false. At the least it displays a misunderstanding about how this phrase might come to be uttered and not result in hang outs. 

Imagine it. You meet someone. You like him or her. He or she suggests that you reconnect at some point for more fun times. You say, "Sure!" because you genuinely appreciate him or her. Time passes. Your kid gets the flu. Your boss has been a real asshole this week. You forget to call. He or she doesn't contact you either, presumably for a host of similar reasons. It turns out that this budding friendship isn't a top priority. The two of you never speak again. 

If, however, so-and-so does manage to pick up the phone or shoot you a text message, you're not going to be shocked that he or she did so. You'll be pleased that so-and-so took the initiative. 

The point is, I've never encountered a situation in which I felt like I was socially obligated to make faux plans with someone I thought a turd, or even someone I didn't think much of one way or the other. Who the fuck would do that? 

2. When someone asks, "How are you?" the only acceptable answers are "fine," "good," and "wonderful." 

Unlike the above, saying "How are you?" is a formality, or can be. Still, you're under no obligation to ask at all, and it's perfectly acceptable to answer honestly (within reason). Here's an example:

Coworker 1: Hey, how are you? 

Coworker 2: Oh, well, not that great, actually. I didn't sleep too well. 

Coworker 1: That sucks. 

Who knows, maybe Coworker 2 didn't sleep well because his wife kept trying to murder him in his sleep. That's not something he'd feel comfortable revealing to an acquaintance. Still, he managed to be honest without over-sharing.

There is an exception, however. Sometimes, when telemarketers call, it'll go something like this:

Person: Hello?

Telemarketer: Hi! This is Jennifer from Intrusive P.O.S. Inc. andhowareyoutoday?

Person:...Fine.

3. Americans eat a lot of hamburgers and cannot live without them while abroad. 

Even if it were difficult to obtain hamburgers outside the US, are they really that important to our gastronomy? I'm going to go with no. 

4. Americans are so puritanical. They have this rule - "No sex on the first date." 

We have no such rule. Stop watching romantic comedies.

5. Americans love to chat in line at the store. 

This one might actually be true, at least in friendlier regions. Still, I find it hard to imagine. What's the protocol? With whom do you start a conversation, the person in front of or behind you? What happens when you've run out of acceptable topics to discuss? What if your conversation partner turns out to be an asshole? I think this claim is overblown. 

For more on this topic, take a listen to this segment from an episode of This American Life. 

My fellow Americans, you are welcome to weigh in or contribute to the list. What misconceptions have you encountered? Non-Americans, what stereotypes about your own culture really irk you? 

Springtime Linguistics

This school term went out on a difficult note. Unfortunately, it simply wouldn't be right to share the gory details.

I'm a tease, I know. Blame the fact that I egotistically chose to share too many personal details when I undertook this blogging project.

I can tell you that I reconnected with a few of my friends from the intensive course last Friday evening, and I can confirm that it was an incredibly good time. It was also a great chance to speak Finnish. See, the four of us - two Chinese women, a Hungarian woman and me - really only share one common language and, for once, that language isn't English. Throughout the evening, I kept wondering what a Finnish person might think of our little Finnish-language get-together.

I often overhear people of various foreign origins speaking English together; even if they've studied Finnish, I suppose it's easier to resort to the language they've likely spent many more years listening to, reading and perfecting. In our little group of expats, English ability varies from native proficiency to zero proficiency. Finnish is, therefore, our common language.

As an additional bonus, we don't feel self-conscious speaking Finnish amongst ourselves - we all make egregious errors, pause for long periods in order to recall a particular word or declension, and struggle to express ourselves.

The problem lies in that very openness, though. You should hear some of the absolutely ungrammatical crap that escapes my lips if I don't feel the weight of a native speaker's judgement bearing down on me. I sort of don't mind. I'm normally so exacting that speech becomes an analytical process rather than an act of communication. It's so nice to just let your lips go.

We did experiment with other languages a bit, though. One woman in the Chinese contingent recently had a baby girl, so we spent much of the evening getting to know the little one. When our host began cooing in her native Hungarian, the baby's face lit up in a smile. I've always thought that Hungarian is a beautiful language, and I set about to prove my theory. I let out a little English baby talk, but the baby's face registered no reaction. Then came both Cantonese and Mandarin. Nothing. Finnish? Nothing. Back to Hungarian and her little face was as bright as can be.

The baby's name is Minna. I think she'd better grow to love Finnish, too.