My adolescence continues.
Since the last, glorious summer, my definition of home has undergone a fairly significant revision. The intense homesickness I felt a year ago has receded and been replaced by a sense of tentative comfort as well as a deep affection for Lappeenranta.
I feel rootless, as though nothing is keeping me in any one place or in any particular station. Even so, when I imagine leaving Lappeenranta, or Finland in general, I feel the loss.
My Finnish is improving by leaps and bounds every day. I don't even think to measure my progress much anymore; what I know is that I'm able to use it, understand it, and I don't fear mistakes or misunderstandings as I used to. I can't be expected to speak it perfectly, naturally or colloquially yet, nor can I expect flawless, fluent comprehension on my end.
I'm still lonely, and I still yearn for connection, but my outlook is a positive one.
A few things have helped me to become happier, I think. The first and foremost is regular exercise. Running has improved my quality of life in innumerable ways; it has made me healthier and more satisfied with my body, it has required me to fulfill a daily obligation, even if said obligation is only to myself, and it's given me a chance to enjoy and explore Lappeenranta.
I've noticed something else, too: the more I'm able to form associations between music and my existence in LPR, the more at home I feel. For instance:
I associate this song with sitting by the lake at midnight, looking out over the dusky, late-June horizon.
And when I hear this song, I think of running past the hiekkalinna, the sun on my face and my lungs filling with summer.
But my good memories and their corresponding songs aren't limited to warm weather.
It wouldn't be winter without some good drone. I think of nighttime walks in the snowy November woods when this song pops up on shuffle.
So, if you're struggling to integrate, to find joy and connection, I say, force the issue. Suck joy like a sponge from the things you love, and take good care of yourself. Form a healthy obsession. Accept things for what they are. And, though I hate to be one of "those people", exercise daily.
Good to be back.
Since the last, glorious summer, my definition of home has undergone a fairly significant revision. The intense homesickness I felt a year ago has receded and been replaced by a sense of tentative comfort as well as a deep affection for Lappeenranta.
I feel rootless, as though nothing is keeping me in any one place or in any particular station. Even so, when I imagine leaving Lappeenranta, or Finland in general, I feel the loss.
My Finnish is improving by leaps and bounds every day. I don't even think to measure my progress much anymore; what I know is that I'm able to use it, understand it, and I don't fear mistakes or misunderstandings as I used to. I can't be expected to speak it perfectly, naturally or colloquially yet, nor can I expect flawless, fluent comprehension on my end.
I'm still lonely, and I still yearn for connection, but my outlook is a positive one.
A few things have helped me to become happier, I think. The first and foremost is regular exercise. Running has improved my quality of life in innumerable ways; it has made me healthier and more satisfied with my body, it has required me to fulfill a daily obligation, even if said obligation is only to myself, and it's given me a chance to enjoy and explore Lappeenranta.
I've noticed something else, too: the more I'm able to form associations between music and my existence in LPR, the more at home I feel. For instance:
I associate this song with sitting by the lake at midnight, looking out over the dusky, late-June horizon.
And when I hear this song, I think of running past the hiekkalinna, the sun on my face and my lungs filling with summer.
But my good memories and their corresponding songs aren't limited to warm weather.
It wouldn't be winter without some good drone. I think of nighttime walks in the snowy November woods when this song pops up on shuffle.
So, if you're struggling to integrate, to find joy and connection, I say, force the issue. Suck joy like a sponge from the things you love, and take good care of yourself. Form a healthy obsession. Accept things for what they are. And, though I hate to be one of "those people", exercise daily.
Good to be back.
LOVE this...especially "suck joy like a sponge and take good care of yourself". Yep, I also had to suck joy when I was lonely in the beginning of my time in Finland. It's interesting to see how music has helped you. For me what helped the most was probably blogging. :-D That's probably why I'm still blogging regularly until now HE HE HE...I don't exercise daily these days, but I do try to exercise regularly - and I think it also helps that my work is somewhat physical (though that means that I need regular exercise at home to have a good, strong back).
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, WELCOME BACK...I had no doubt in my mind that your Finnish has improved a lot by now. :-D :-D :-D
Thanks, Amel. It sounds like, judging from your experience, I'm on the right track. :)
DeleteWhile reading I kept wondering about the last song. The title made it sound like a Slayer cover but the others were rather poppy. So how would a light pop/rock version of Dead Skin Mask sound like? Alas, we still don't know. This was a major letdown. The world is still broken.
ReplyDelete(This cover isn't even a very good one. I mean, this song has any purpose only if one knows the original. Had they written a new song, it would have had to contain just... more.)
Glad to see an update, though. I agree with accepting things for what they are as long as one remembers that it doesn't have to be that way subjectively. Looking forward to the next post in July.
I bet such a cover exists. Maybe not of this particular song, but there have got to be some indie pop musicians who are also fans of Slayer.
DeleteI like this cover (and this whole album of covers) because it is droney and dirdge-like with a hint of doom. I can't get enough of that shit. I'm largely alone in this, I realize. Nadja have plenty of their own stuff, much of which I love, too.
I'll try to make July's post a doozy for you. ;)
Drone? Not really my cup of tea. Maybe some sludge and doom (metal), definitely death/doom, but drone is just boring to me. I can't help thinking it's inching towards abstract art - a sea of meta without (any relevant or interesting) context - which I also don't much care for.
DeleteI'm sure there are some wacky Slayer covers but the choice of song also matters.
I guess I won't be getting you tickets to see Sunn O))) any time soon.
DeleteI would more likely compare it to a repetitive composition style that's been employed pretty much since the beginning of music. And, though I like that Autopsy track, I have a hard time tolerating the harmonious riffs in death metal et al. That said, I don't know anyone who shares my musical taste in that (or in almost any) regard. I'm the odd one, I totally concede.
Dunno if this will whet your appetite for wacky Slayer covers, but I saw this
today.
Also, if I had my way, a lot more metal would sound like early Black Cobra.
I don't have a problem with repetition as such. I mean, I listen to Meshuggah and some Ministry. Hell, The Jones is great piece of music. I think it's the combination of repetition and lack of interesting melody. It seems to me that the mind searches for different interpretations and meanings for repetition but if there are essentially none, it just gets boring very fast. Unless you really like what's being repeated.
DeleteNo Sunn O))) tickets for me, that's for sure. Unless, of course, you find yourself having too much money, but even in that case I'd suggest giving it to charity or something. The money, not the tickets.
Those Radio Disney covers are pure gold, but they're tongue-in-cheek and basically done for giggles. I'd like to see someone do it seriously. It would have a different quality. You know, like it was supposed to be listened more than once.
I like that Black Cobra song. Sludge background but not overkill (like many sludge bands do) and Snapcase-like vocals on top. I might have a different opinion, though, if I were to listen through the whole album. I find it very draining. (Reminds me of (old) Paradise Lost that way.)
Seriously, if that is to your liking, Meshuggah could be right up your alley, but I guess you already know this. Or are the funny meters, increased aggression and lesser repetition ruining it for you?
By the way, I don't think I've ever seen death metal called harmonious before.
Funny, I didn't see this comment. You know, while I fully dig repetition, it's by no means a requirement. I appreciate complexity a lot. Meshuggah is indeed up my alley. What I meant by harmonious are those spidery metal dual guitar riffs that are usually quite atonal. I dunno why, but they just don't do it for me. Driving, distorted and cacophonous is where it's at for me. I feel that way about my indie rock, too (it's honestly shameful how much shoegaze I listen to).
Delete