My adolescence continues.
Since the last, glorious summer, my definition of home has undergone a fairly significant revision. The intense homesickness I felt a year ago has receded and been replaced by a sense of tentative comfort as well as a deep affection for Lappeenranta.
I feel rootless, as though nothing is keeping me in any one place or in any particular station. Even so, when I imagine leaving Lappeenranta, or Finland in general, I feel the loss.
My Finnish is improving by leaps and bounds every day. I don't even think to measure my progress much anymore; what I know is that I'm able to use it, understand it, and I don't fear mistakes or misunderstandings as I used to. I can't be expected to speak it perfectly, naturally or colloquially yet, nor can I expect flawless, fluent comprehension on my end.
I'm still lonely, and I still yearn for connection, but my outlook is a positive one.
A few things have helped me to become happier, I think. The first and foremost is regular exercise. Running has improved my quality of life in innumerable ways; it has made me healthier and more satisfied with my body, it has required me to fulfill a daily obligation, even if said obligation is only to myself, and it's given me a chance to enjoy and explore Lappeenranta.
I've noticed something else, too: the more I'm able to form associations between music and my existence in LPR, the more at home I feel. For instance:
I associate this song with sitting by the lake at midnight, looking out over the dusky, late-June horizon.
And when I hear this song, I think of running past the hiekkalinna, the sun on my face and my lungs filling with summer.
But my good memories and their corresponding songs aren't limited to warm weather.
It wouldn't be winter without some good drone. I think of nighttime walks in the snowy November woods when this song pops up on shuffle.
So, if you're struggling to integrate, to find joy and connection, I say, force the issue. Suck joy like a sponge from the things you love, and take good care of yourself. Form a healthy obsession. Accept things for what they are. And, though I hate to be one of "those people", exercise daily.
Good to be back.
Since the last, glorious summer, my definition of home has undergone a fairly significant revision. The intense homesickness I felt a year ago has receded and been replaced by a sense of tentative comfort as well as a deep affection for Lappeenranta.
I feel rootless, as though nothing is keeping me in any one place or in any particular station. Even so, when I imagine leaving Lappeenranta, or Finland in general, I feel the loss.
My Finnish is improving by leaps and bounds every day. I don't even think to measure my progress much anymore; what I know is that I'm able to use it, understand it, and I don't fear mistakes or misunderstandings as I used to. I can't be expected to speak it perfectly, naturally or colloquially yet, nor can I expect flawless, fluent comprehension on my end.
I'm still lonely, and I still yearn for connection, but my outlook is a positive one.
A few things have helped me to become happier, I think. The first and foremost is regular exercise. Running has improved my quality of life in innumerable ways; it has made me healthier and more satisfied with my body, it has required me to fulfill a daily obligation, even if said obligation is only to myself, and it's given me a chance to enjoy and explore Lappeenranta.
I've noticed something else, too: the more I'm able to form associations between music and my existence in LPR, the more at home I feel. For instance:
I associate this song with sitting by the lake at midnight, looking out over the dusky, late-June horizon.
And when I hear this song, I think of running past the hiekkalinna, the sun on my face and my lungs filling with summer.
But my good memories and their corresponding songs aren't limited to warm weather.
It wouldn't be winter without some good drone. I think of nighttime walks in the snowy November woods when this song pops up on shuffle.
So, if you're struggling to integrate, to find joy and connection, I say, force the issue. Suck joy like a sponge from the things you love, and take good care of yourself. Form a healthy obsession. Accept things for what they are. And, though I hate to be one of "those people", exercise daily.
Good to be back.
