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| My grandfather in Italy with a few of our relatives. |
My grandfather loved languages. He used to sit for hours at the table in the living room, reading, studying, and practicing his pronunciation. If he wasn't working in one of the gardens, that table was quite likely where you'd find him.
He was a meticulous man. He could focus endlessly on one infinitesimal minutia in a sea of grammatical minutiae. He'd pore over a given detail until he had internalized it. Though it doesn't sound like the most efficient way to learn, it seemed to work for him; he learned something like six or seven languages in this way. When I was young, his focus was almost always on Swedish, which he studied so that he could speak to a few business associates in their native tongue.
I did not always appreciate his love of detail, though. If I were ever to utter this phrase, for example: "Him and me went down to the store," he'd correct me with the speed lightening and in the manner of thunder. "He and I!" he'd boom disapprovingly.
"Yes, Lena, he and I!" my mother and aunts might've echoed. They had been scolded about the declension of personal pronouns all their lives. "You don't want to sound like a raggie, do you?"
Why, no, I didn't want to sound like a raggie! What if someone were to overhear my mistake? Never again, I'd think.
Now that I live in Finland, and I hardly know what's correct and what isn't, I'd really prefer to speak only to Rami, to my teacher, and to my classmates. I'm not ready for primetime, as it were. If I were to try to communicate with your average, everyday Finn, I'd only end up sounding like a raggie.
Of course, my grandfather loved to use the languages that he'd worked so hard to learn. He was fearless and confident in what he knew. Oh, if only I could learn to do as he did, and perhaps forget the idea that one must speak perfectly if one is to speak at all.
Everything that excites and stimulates is, on some level, scary.
Specifically, there are three major things that excite and frighten me now:
1) I'll be teaching an English conversation course in the fall. Though I believe I have all the tools, I do hope I can actually, you know, teach.
2) My Finnish teacher asked if I'd like to take a second class with her, in addition to the one I'm in now and will be continuing, in the fall. It's a bit more advanced than what I'm used to, and I think it might be akin to 'skipping a grade' two nights a week. I said yes, and I'm very happy that there'll be more for me to learn. I'm also scared shitless.
3) Apparently someone from Etelä-Saimaa, our regional newspaper, is coming to my class to interview a few of us for an article about educated expats and their lives in Finland. It was hinted that I might be chosen, since I'm the only American in the class. My first thought? "Oh please no. Please, please, no." After all, what could be worse than having your early failings with the Finnish language immortalized on the printed page? I may, erm, opt out of this one. The thing is, if I understand most everything that is asked, and I manage to communicate moderately well, I'll be immensely proud. It seems far, far more likely, though, that my tongue will twist around and around itself, and I'll choke.
Looks like I'll have to figure out a way to syphon off some bravery if I want to live here.
LOVE reading about your grandpa. What a brilliant mind! :-D
ReplyDeleteAs far of being afraid to speak...that used to be my biggest problem, too. In Indo we were told more to start learning proper grammar than to dive into learning a new language by merely copying others and making grammatical mistakes along the way.
That was why when I was learning English, speaking became the last thing that I needed to improve - simply because I was embarrassed or shy to speak to others. I was afraid of being criticized or ridiculed.
The same thing happened when learning Finnish. I found that I was more confident in writing Finnish than speaking it (as was proved by my YKI test where I got better marks for my written Finnish as well as in FCE test where I got better marks for my written English than other parts), but this time 'coz I have to use Finnish with my in-laws, the improvement of my spoken Finnish is much better than my spoken English.
Now that I've forgotten some of the grammatical rules, I find myself less anxious about making mistakes, because I find that the locals use the "wrong" kind of forms anyway in puhekieli. The easy example would be the use of "se" for singular human and object, "ne" for both plural humans and objects and "on" for many things (disregarding the use of "ovat") as well as other forms I've noticed written/used by my coworkers. Sometimes they even write with two consonants for words that are supposed to be written with only one. Go figure!
That doesn't mean to say I don't want to learn proper Finnish (that's why I still read Finnish novels 'coz in the novels at least mostly proper Finnish is used), but I've just become less stressed out concerning my spoken Finnish after diving into the real world. I was more strict with myself when I was learning Finnish in the classroom.
OK, enough rambling hi hi...it's GREAT to know that you're gonna be teaching English conversation. I'm sure you'll do GREAT!!! My UK friend doesn't speak Finnish all that well yet, but she's been doing the same thing and she's found many helpful and understanding and nice students. :-D The more advanced students can help her out in the classroom if she doesn't know the Finnish words. :-)))
And YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY for being able to join the more advanced class. I'm sure that you'll be able to handle it - with your passion and diligence! :-D
About the regional newspaper interview...I once wrote a piece for the local newspaper (made it look like I was interviewing myself) hi hi hi hi...easier that way than answering questions in Finnish. They printed it out and then took a pic of myself. :-D
Personally, I think it's very important to begin learning grammar first, too, especially if the language is like Finnish and has a complex grammatical structure. There's one woman in my class who seems to know and understand quite a lot of Finnish, as she's been here for a while (4 years? I'm not exactly sure), but she struggles with grammar and such because she hadn't learned it properly until now. That's one reason that I'm glad I got into a class as quickly as I did. I won't have to correct whatever things I might've otherwise learned improperly.
DeleteWhen would you say you got the courage to speak up more?
I do hear "se" and "ne" used a lot in reference to people. I don't really use them that way (with the possible exception of "se Amel..." etc.) because I figure I ought to learn to use the correct pronouns before I learn to play with puhekieli. Same goes for using the third person singular in place of third person plural. I've got to learn the rules solidly before I can break them, you know? As for you, it's great that you have a grasp of both. I agree that reading is probably the best way to keep the grammar fresh in your mind.
I find it hard to believe that your spoken English is lacking whatsoever, given your writing ability. I'm sure that speaking it every day with your husband also helps the both of you keep in practice. As for me, I'm trying to summon the will to speak English as little as possible!
It's neat that you wrote a piece for the paper! If they wanted to submit some questions to me in writing, I'd be more than happy to write some answers for them. I'm hoping, if they ask me to do it, that all the people they choose will be able to answer questions together in a group. I'd feel much safer that way.
Whoops, to be clear, that's third person singular and third person plural verb forms as well as pronouns. :)
DeleteFirst of all, I stand corrected about my UK friend. She USED to teach English in kansalaisopisto and all of her students were mummoja (in the beginner's class, some of them didn't speak much English yet). At that time she wasn't sure about her Finnish ability, but it all went well 'coz the more advanced students did help her out. Anyway, since last year she's started running her online business as a proofreader. :-)))
DeleteI agree completely with you about learning grammar first, 'coz while I was tutoring English to kids, I realized that it was harder to undo the grammatical mistakes in your head than starting from a clean slate and learning the correct forms. It was easier for me to teach the younger kids who hadn't learnt the wrong kind of grammatical forms rather than the older ones who had made the same mistakes over and over again.
I also only started using "se" and "ne" after working in my current workplace (so after 3 years of living here). The courage to speak up more? I think it happened during my training session at the library, which happened about half a year after my Finnish course ended (so about 2 years after I moved to Finland). I was there for 6 months.
Why? Because at that time we had plenty of time to chat with one another during tea time (twice a day) and they always summoned me to the kitchen table. They all spoke English (they're mostly highly educated women with master's degrees), but I forced myself to speak only Finnish with them (I find it harder to switch to Finnish when you've started with English and you know the other person understands English well).
It was hellish at that time, but they were all much older than me and they were very thoughtful, so they used only simple Finnish when talking with me. Still it was so hard to follow the convo when there were so many of them around the table and they were talking to each other faster than they were talking to me. There are about 5-6 women working there and sometimes all of us were sitting together, though sometimes there were only 2 of us.
One time during a one-on-one conversation at the kitchen table the manager asked me about different things and I mentioned blogging, so she asked me if I'd be willing to give a presentation to them about the topic. I agreed 'coz it was a nice challenge. I made some Power Point slides and all that (of course I rehearsed everything in front of R2 to make sure everything I said would be clear to them 'coz most of them didn't really know what exactly blogging was about). It was fun. :-))) I wasn't that anxious about the presentation 'coz I knew all of them and I knew how thoughtful they were. I'm sure it'd be very different if I have to do it in front of strangers ha ha...
DeleteWhen it comes to my spoken English, let me just tell you that I started learning English in an afternoon course when I was about 10 (only about twice a week or so) and even then my teacher told my Mom that I excelled in grammar, but I was too shy to actually use it. Then I also learnt English at school from when I was about 12 until I graduated from the uni at the age of 22. I remember that a few times some relatives came to Indo from USA, but I didn't dare to use my English at all, even though I knew I would be able to have a conversation with them.
When the internet started booming in Indo while I was at the uni (as you remember, I took English lit), I forced myself to find emailpals from around the globe in order to be able to use more English. I think I started to gain more confidence about my spoken English after that...especially after some emailpals (and my friends' emailpals) came to Indo. This all happened when I was about 20-21. So it took me 10 years before I finally got the confidence to speak English. ---> It's a long journey, but I think it has something to do with my personality shift, as well. I mean, at that age I started becoming more confident about myself (as opposed to when I was in my preteen, I was so shy and I kept everything inside and all that), so that change had an impact on many areas in life, as well. :-)))
Yeah, I understand what you mean about the interview. It's nicer to do with your course friends when it comes to verbal interviews. I'm sure it goes well, anyway. :-)
P.S. Had to break it down in two 'coz it was way too long ha ha...
OK, sorry but had to add one more to make it clearer. Although I studied English at the uni, but we only had a conversation class once a week, so it wasn't really enough to build up my confidence in spoken English because we only got to use English with other students. It was rare for me to be able to speak English with native speakers. There are some native speakers in our uni as lecturers, but sometimes we only got the class where the lecturer was an Indonesian. So for me, meeting emailpals was really precious because we got to use English with foreigners, who had different accents. And that was probably why only then my confidence in using my English became better and better (whereas in the past I was more like a silent listener).
DeleteWhen it comes to my confidence in learning Finnish, I think the major help all along has been my MIL. Because we meet mostly once a week and she doesn't speak English much, it's really helpful for me to have to force myself to use Finnish with her. And the great thing about her is that if I don't understand a word (or even if it looks like as though I'm confused about something, she's able to explain it to me in such a way that I'd be able to understand it (either that or finding a simpler synonym of the word). Slowly but surely, I gained more confidence talking with her in Finnish because hey, if a native who doesn't speak much English understands my Finnish, that means that others would, too. :-)))
Of course a one-on-one conversation is different than a group conversation with native Finns (I still have trouble in that area, for example during company dinner with coworkers, I mostly just listen to them talking instead of replying or stating my opinion, but at least I understand mostly what they're saying - I compare this to the group conversation in the library where I only understood maybe about half of what they were saying to each other, so that's an improvement. So the next step for me is to be able to be more active in a group conversation with native Finns.
Your grandfather sounds awesome. Don't forget, though, that by the time you knew him he was already your grandfather, and therefore must have been in his 50s at least. You haven't even hit 30 yet, so you need to give yourself a break. Not only had he spent decades learning languages by the time you knew him, he had apparently also acquired that easy confidence that comes with age. Don't worry, inhibition seems to go by the wayside quicker and quicker the older you get. Trust me - I'm some 10 years ahead of you already :) I do admire your grandfather for being so meticulous, though, and it seems to me that you've been lucky enough to inherit this admirable quality. It's one trait I wish I had, but when it comes to foreign languages I really don't have it. I am in such a hurry to try to say what I want to say that when the going gets tough my grammar invariably goes out the window.
ReplyDeleteI reckon you should do that newspaper interview. Either you will ace it and be proud of yourself, or it won't go so well and you will look back a year from now and be proud of yourself (because it will be clear to you how far you've progressed!) Then again, if the very thought of doing it gives you the horrors, you could quietly step aside and let some brazen Aussie or Southern European step up to the plate!
Meanwhile, huge congratulations on your new job, and also on your new course. Your teacher can obviously tell you have real potential. Don't be scared of the course, because it's clear that you belong there.
Oh, it would be so very nice to let go of some inhibition. You're right: grandfathers on the whole are not known for their shy reticence. Still, I find it hard to imagine that my grandfather ever lacked power or confidence. I'll have to ask my grandmother.
DeleteAs for meticulousness, I think there is something to be said for seeing the forest for the trees, so to speak. Sometimes getting caught up in one small detail can really derail your ability to make progress. If that doesn't happen to you, you should certainly be proud it. I can be a bit of a "pilkunnussija"... (hehe). You also must have some attention to detail, since you learned Japanese. That's not a language I plan to tackle anytime soon. Also, I think grammar plays a secondary role for everyone trying desperately to speak a language they're not all that familiar with. That's why writing is so, so much easier. Proper grammar is a luxury that only time can afford. ;)
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I really am excited about teaching, as well as the extra Finnish course. The article...we'll have to wait and see how it all plays out. :)
Oh hey, you've just taught me a new word: pilkunussija. Never heard that before, so THANKS! :-D
DeleteGood luck with the teaching. At first it is terrifying (that first class, the awkward silences, the lame jokes that fail....) but you gain in confidence quickly.
ReplyDeleteThanks! It's good to know the awkwardness lessens a bit. That's probably my biggest fear.
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