Back in The Suomessa

Yes, the title is redundant, but "Suomessa" has the requisite number of syllables for a Beatles reference.

Having been back for a week now, I'm feeling settled in once again. The jet lag has diminished enough so that I'm at least able to crawl out of bed and make myself a decent pot of coffee in the morning. The homesickness has dissipated. There is finally some non-slushy snow here in Lappeenranta, which really does make things, literally, seem brighter.

It wasn't easy, though, leaving home again. In very real sense, it felt as if I'd never left. Very few things had changed, and it seemed a little like I had only come back from an inordinately long vacation, not that I was, in fact, on vacation. This was rejuvenating in one sense and unnerving in another. When the time to leave drew near, I began to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have come home quite so soon -- that it might've actually slowed the process of my integration and weakened my resolve.

It's just that I feel so cemented into the structure of that place; it's a little like an addiction in that being there isn't particularly good for me, and yet I feel compelled to crave the good things about it. These are mostly things that revolve around the idea of "safety." No one will ask me a question I don't understand in Finnish; I don't look particularly out of place, and if I do, I don't much care because the place is my own; my family and friends are largely concentrated inside of one small radius; I feel normal and average and not likely to attract attention.

Of course, I love "home" for more than just its safety. I wrote an entry last March describing my feelings, so I won't bother to do so now. TLDR: it was hard to say goodbye, but I'm okay now.

Some good news is that, as of today, I'm back to studying Finnish. I managed to remember a lot, so that really pleased me. Oddly, learning that language is one reason I'm glad I moved here. I get to dedicate most of my working hours to learning something both useful and fascinating. I think a lot of people are frustrated by the prospect of having to delay their professional lives in order to master the Rubik's cube that is the Finnish language, but I'll gladly delay whatever in order to stay a student. It's pathetic, really. Maybe one of these days I'll get sick of it and decide to be a "student of life" or whatever people say when they're disparaging education, but not quite yet.