Hard

I haven't written in a while due to being busy with preparing to leave the country and all. The last month has involved seeing a lot of family and friends and saying a lot of deeply painful goodbyes. The ironic and bittersweet connection and reconnection with many in my social network caused me to feel both closure and regret. I hadn't really anticipated that.

I thought as soon as I boarded the plane I'd feel some relief from the sadness pangs; having goodbyes said and security dealt with was my primary focus. I was half right. The plane ride was easy. I couldn't wait to land. Let's get all this travel over with and start building a new life, I thought. Landing was easy, too. Our bags were among the last to emerge, and I felt as if I had been spared the hugely stupid struggle of hunting for all my earthly possessions. I napped fitfully on the car ride to Lappeenranta. I dreamed a little of home and family. Things began to seem scarier -- more daunting than they ever had before.

I knew this feeling would come, but I wasn't prepared for it. I'll be helpless until I have even a rudimentary grasp of Finnish and, even then, I will never, ever be able to communicate as effortlessly as I can with English. I'll be starting over almost from scratch socially speaking as well. Of course, I knew all this long before embarking on the move. I even knew that I would feel sad and helpless and scared. Even so, it was a thing both inevitable and miserable, and it had to happen shortly after landing.

Today, though, I feel much better. Walking around Lappeenranta to see all of my favorite summer sights and studying a little Finnish seemed to pull me out of the funk I felt. I'm still frightened -- it would be pretty stupid if I weren't -- but things are back in perspective.

I'll be writing about my new life here (adjustments, fears, successes, culture, and, of course, cuisine) from now on. I plan to update regularly and often. Watch out.