Let's get together sometime.

Americans are easy to stereotype. Our films are everywhere. Our music is inescapable. Our television shows air all over the world. The US is the world's largest exporter of media, and everyone seems to feel pretty well acquainted with our culture as a result.

I've heard quite a few ideas on American culture while living in Finland. Some are correct. Some are outright misconceptions. Let's analyze a few of them. 

Disclaimer: Though I've traveled to different places within the US, I've never lived outside of New England. This is a New Englander's perspective. Regional differences likely apply. 

1. Americans don't mean it when they say, "Let's get together sometime." It's just a formality.

In my experience, this is just plain false. At the least it displays a misunderstanding about how this phrase might come to be uttered and not result in hang outs. 

Imagine it. You meet someone. You like him or her. He or she suggests that you reconnect at some point for more fun times. You say, "Sure!" because you genuinely appreciate him or her. Time passes. Your kid gets the flu. Your boss has been a real asshole this week. You forget to call. He or she doesn't contact you either, presumably for a host of similar reasons. It turns out that this budding friendship isn't a top priority. The two of you never speak again. 

If, however, so-and-so does manage to pick up the phone or shoot you a text message, you're not going to be shocked that he or she did so. You'll be pleased that so-and-so took the initiative. 

The point is, I've never encountered a situation in which I felt like I was socially obligated to make faux plans with someone I thought a turd, or even someone I didn't think much of one way or the other. Who the fuck would do that? 

2. When someone asks, "How are you?" the only acceptable answers are "fine," "good," and "wonderful." 

Unlike the above, saying "How are you?" is a formality, or can be. Still, you're under no obligation to ask at all, and it's perfectly acceptable to answer honestly (within reason). Here's an example:

Coworker 1: Hey, how are you? 

Coworker 2: Oh, well, not that great, actually. I didn't sleep too well. 

Coworker 1: That sucks. 

Who knows, maybe Coworker 2 didn't sleep well because his wife kept trying to murder him in his sleep. That's not something he'd feel comfortable revealing to an acquaintance. Still, he managed to be honest without over-sharing.

There is an exception, however. Sometimes, when telemarketers call, it'll go something like this:

Person: Hello?

Telemarketer: Hi! This is Jennifer from Intrusive P.O.S. Inc. andhowareyoutoday?

Person:...Fine.

3. Americans eat a lot of hamburgers and cannot live without them while abroad. 

Even if it were difficult to obtain hamburgers outside the US, are they really that important to our gastronomy? I'm going to go with no. 

4. Americans are so puritanical. They have this rule - "No sex on the first date." 

We have no such rule. Stop watching romantic comedies.

5. Americans love to chat in line at the store. 

This one might actually be true, at least in friendlier regions. Still, I find it hard to imagine. What's the protocol? With whom do you start a conversation, the person in front of or behind you? What happens when you've run out of acceptable topics to discuss? What if your conversation partner turns out to be an asshole? I think this claim is overblown. 

For more on this topic, take a listen to this segment from an episode of This American Life. 

My fellow Americans, you are welcome to weigh in or contribute to the list. What misconceptions have you encountered? Non-Americans, what stereotypes about your own culture really irk you? 

Springtime Linguistics

This school term went out on a difficult note. Unfortunately, it simply wouldn't be right to share the gory details.

I'm a tease, I know. Blame the fact that I egotistically chose to share too many personal details when I undertook this blogging project.

I can tell you that I reconnected with a few of my friends from the intensive course last Friday evening, and I can confirm that it was an incredibly good time. It was also a great chance to speak Finnish. See, the four of us - two Chinese women, a Hungarian woman and me - really only share one common language and, for once, that language isn't English. Throughout the evening, I kept wondering what a Finnish person might think of our little Finnish-language get-together.

I often overhear people of various foreign origins speaking English together; even if they've studied Finnish, I suppose it's easier to resort to the language they've likely spent many more years listening to, reading and perfecting. In our little group of expats, English ability varies from native proficiency to zero proficiency. Finnish is, therefore, our common language.

As an additional bonus, we don't feel self-conscious speaking Finnish amongst ourselves - we all make egregious errors, pause for long periods in order to recall a particular word or declension, and struggle to express ourselves.

The problem lies in that very openness, though. You should hear some of the absolutely ungrammatical crap that escapes my lips if I don't feel the weight of a native speaker's judgement bearing down on me. I sort of don't mind. I'm normally so exacting that speech becomes an analytical process rather than an act of communication. It's so nice to just let your lips go.

We did experiment with other languages a bit, though. One woman in the Chinese contingent recently had a baby girl, so we spent much of the evening getting to know the little one. When our host began cooing in her native Hungarian, the baby's face lit up in a smile. I've always thought that Hungarian is a beautiful language, and I set about to prove my theory. I let out a little English baby talk, but the baby's face registered no reaction. Then came both Cantonese and Mandarin. Nothing. Finnish? Nothing. Back to Hungarian and her little face was as bright as can be.

The baby's name is Minna. I think she'd better grow to love Finnish, too. 

Language Update

I write well. I listen less well. I speak less well than even that.

As I suspected would happen, some of my skills have atrophied since the fulltime course ended last fall.  My speaking has sustained some damage, as I no longer speak Finnish every day. I listen and write often, so those skills continue to improve slowly.

The problem is finding people with whom to speak. My developing career is based upon my ability to speak English. Chatting with Rami is certainly very helpful, if only because I'm far less inhibited with him than with others, but I find myself recycling the same familiar words and phrases with him. Occasionally we'll have a proper conversation over coffee and korvapuusteja, but who's got the time for that every single day?

People frequently advise me to do things. You know, join clubs or sports teams, take classes, expose myself to groups of people. I'm skeptical about this, though. Let's face it: I'm shy, they're shy, we're all shy. No one will make the first move. Even if I were to "put myself out there" and join something, I doubt that I'd gain many contacts.

Perhaps this is one of my fundamental flaws as an expat. It's very hard for me to envision having the constitution to seek out the human contact that I require.

Anyway, that brings me to a request. Or an offer? Or a suggestion. If you're in the Lappeenranta area, I invite you to contact me about meeting for coffee/beer/wine/whatever beverage. The only requirement is that you have the patience to deal with my less-than-fluent Finnish skills. Oh, and that you aren't a murderous rapist, but that probably goes without saying.